at some point, you will experience a relationship that will have a profound affect on their mental stability. many of you have already experienced this type of relationship, some of you are currently in this type of relationship, and for the few who don't know what the hell i'm talking about...just wait.
i have a story to tell, but first i need to explain how my mind functions in relationships:
i've had two serious boyfriends, and they were both in high school (which was 6 six years ago). from what i understand, they no longer qualify. since high school, i've maintained a safe distance from serious relationships. i have a slight fear of commitment which makes me a poor candidate for a serious companion. of course being a free agent for almost 7 years, makes the concept of settling down a little hard for me to grasp.
due to my fear, i don't believe in titles. you don't have to call me your girlfriend. i'm perfectly content being your friend. that way neither of us feels obligated (especially me). i like the freedom of being able to do what i want, when i want, and with whom i want to do it with.
this doesn't mean that i'm always out in the streets or always looking for someone better. it just means that i like to be able to make my own decisions without the bs from my significant other.
here's my story:
maybe it's because we spent alot of time around each other, but whatever it was made it very diffcult for us to maintain a stable situation. it really started with his depressing story regarding a previous relationship, and his inability to decide whether or not he wanted to move forward with me or move backwards with her. this dilemna within itself predicted the future of our relationship (or as i like to call it...situation). i should've immediately removed myself, but everyone is entitled to make a mistake. instead of walking away, i put forth the effort to 'make things work'. to make a long story (extremely long) short-we both had individual issues that when combined had an explosive effect on our temperments. i didn't feel as if i was obligated to spend all of my time with him especially when we would spend weeks not talking to each other. it's not my fault that during his 'i have too many issues' episodes, i decided to enjoy other people's company. he can't get mad because while he was deciding whether or not he wanted me or his ex, i was having the time of my life with a nice young man from canada.
unfortunately, the blame cannot totally rest upon his shoulders, because i intentionally did certain things just to piss him off. like completely ignore him whenever he wanted to have a serious conversation about us, or i'd act as if i was oblivious to the fact that we were having issues. my old roommate often said that i had a guy's mentality. in many of my situations the roles were reversed-the guy always nagged about our troubles and all i wanted was for him to shut up so i could watch the game.
wow! this turned out to be a little more than i expected. i might have to make this a series. i couldn't possibly tell you everything in one entry. i'll tell the rest later.
