Finding out about my pregnancy was probably the most difficult news I've ever had to deal with. There was so much of my life that was still under construction, and I was not prepared for what was about to happen.
for the first six or seven months, I went through a mild form of depression. The first three months were the hardest (I cried every single day). Most of it was hormonal, some was a result of poor decision making, but a lot was due to the absence of my baby father's support.
I always thought that if I were to ever become pregnant that I would be married or at least in a stable relationship. At the time I found out, my baby's father and I weren't on good terms making that first conversation the hardest conversation I've ever had.
initially, my plan was to not tell him at all. Unfortunately, there was already speculation. Although we weren't on good terms, we still maintained a somewhat cordial relationship. During one of our more cordial moments, he asked if I was pregnant. At the time I was not 100% sure, so my answer was no. Two days later, I took the test.

flashback to November 28, 2004:
I knew before my five minutes were up. The little pink line started to show within the first 30 seconds...I was so pregnant! I remember sitting on my bed and staring at myself in the mirror. "what the f@#k have I gotten myself into?! I mean could you have really been that stupid?! Your mamma's going to kill you!!"

Before telling him, I prepared myself for every possible scenario, but there was a BIG difference between thinking about what he'd say and actually hearing him say it. I had never experienced so many different emotions at one time. I honestly believe that if he was standing in front of me, I'd have killed him (or at least attempted to). Over time things between us settled down, but I have to yet to really let go of the emotional baggage associated with that first call.
FYI-at the time I made my announcement, he was making plans to transfer to another school (not because I was pregnant, he'd made these plans before either of us suspected). This meant that I was basically going to experience this pregnancy alone.
Aside from depression, I was also in denial. Some days I would actually forget that I was pregnant (of course I wasn't showing at the time). I'm also ashamed to admit that there were even days when I hoped something bad would happen. Pregnancy was not the best experience for me, but in the end...It was all worth it.






I stopped viewing my pregnancy as a curse, and saw it for what it was...A blessing. I never planned on becoming someone's mother, but I've learned that our plans don't always follow their intended paths. It's not because we failed to execute, but because it wasn't in His plans for us. Before my son, I took certain aspects of my life for granted. Now that he's here, I've grown to appreciate all aspects of my life. He's my motivation and my strength. I can't imagine my life without him.