For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven...."Eccles. 3:1

initially i was shocked. i remember sitting on the bed and staring at the mirror. i couldn't think. there was absolutely nothing going on in my mind, and when i was finally able to gather my thoughts, all i could do was cry. i cried every day for the first three months. although my actions proved otherwise, i was definitely not prepared. it really wasn't until the fourth month when i had finally come to terms with my situation. it had gotten to the point where i didn't care what was happening. i was numb. i was so miserable and so uncomfortable that i questioned whether or not i had made the right choice. the fact that i couldn't be happy about this "blessing" disturbed me, and i was afraid that the way i felt would affect the way i'd feel when the baby was born.
fortunately, as time grows closer, i become more and more intrigued with God's 'Little Miracle'. every doctor's visit gives me more to look forward to. watching him wave his hands, hearing his heartbeat, and feeling his every move makes the pain and nausea worthwhile. there are still days when i become unsettled. on those days, i have to remember that it's not really about me any more. despite the timing or the circumstances surrounding his conception, the way i feel is not as important as making sure that he knows that he is loved and welcomed with open arms.